because i like multiples of five . . .

five things that i will not miss about this year . . .

. . . the way that i got bronchitis in october and can say without a doubt that I am still sick two months after the fact … the difficulty of handling the workload of an english literaure major while depending entirely upon library computers for an entire semester due to a malfunctioning lappy and shoddy customer service … the inability to keep my half of the room organized until the chaos piles so high that i cannot navigate through it without fearing for my life … the bitterness that resurfaces every time i remember how much my brother has endured since mid-june … the endless frustrations that arose from seeing the gap between how things were and how i knew they should be and the way i (foolishly) felt helpless to bridge them . . .


five things i already miss about this year . . .

. . . the assurance that came with the unfaltering belief that i would actually return despite the fact that 7,555 miles and the fear of failure stood in my way ... the smile born from knowing that at least 3 hours of my academic week would be spent in the best of company ... the guarantee of sidesplitting laughter after every english class and even the occasional concert [cue inspirational hand pump and eyebrow action] ... the warm fuzzies that came from knowing that we still had a whole year together as roommates to laugh, cry, laze, and repeat ... the freedom that came from blithely accepting the fact that i had no idea what i would be doing after graduation . . .


five things that I leave behind . . .

. . . the way that I pretend to be okay with not knowing what i will do in 18 months ... the tendency of mine to give up after convincing myself that they do not care, even though i know they do ... the inclination to feign indifference as i casually discuss my lack of initiative towards the means that could lead to my end ... the passive approach that i take to maintaining friendships ... the exhaustifying effort that I put into building up the emotional walls between my fathers and myself . . .


five things that I move forward to . . .

. . . the fact that i will finally have a sister and [eventually] nieces and nephews following a september wedding that has been nine years in the making ... the entertainment that will come when my inner-feminist battles my outer-realist thanks to the most grueling three-credit class i will ever take ... the oncoming semester-of-all-semesters that will be filled with late night shadow puppet shows, orange hi-c, and enough chinese food to put that little boy through college ... the nine days that i will serve in new york city as i hope for clarification regarding my change of heart and home... the comfort of knowing that i can be my(obnoxious)self because he is okay with the prospective eyerolls (not always self-induced) that will precede the inevitable smiles . . .


five things to keep in mind . . .

. . . “that’s what she said” is a joke that will never--ever--be unfunny … you automatically qualify for official “bond girl” status if you are the only girls in the theatre who go without guys to see the opening midnight showing of quantum of solace … the strongest friendships are the ones that can undergo months of silence and still pick up as though only two days have passed … try not to figuratively throw around the term “literal” unless you want to literally throw someone off of your literal boat … do not be surprised when--twenty years later--God is still continuing to surprise you every day by annihilating the underestimations that you constantly place on you peers, yourself, and your Savior . . .