it's not his fault he has better hair, janet

THE SETTING: checkout lanes 1, 2, and 3 at Country Market. it's late in the evening and the store is quiet and almost empty.

THE PLAYERS**:

JANET: smelly, grumpy, intolerant old lady who prefers to shop from the convenience of an electric cart.
BILLY RAY: the nine-ish year-old grandson of Janet
CARRIE: friendly, attractive cashier on register 2
CASHIER 2: unimportant cashier on register 3
CASHIER 1: even more unimportant cashier on register 1. The focus of this story centers on her register so she is listed in this list for explanation purposes only
**all names and have been changed (or invented, i should say) save for mine, of course.

FADE IN, START THIS SCENE.

[Enter stage right: Janet and Billy Ray approach register 1 with their prospective groceries. As Janet unloads groceries, Billy Ray pauses at the magazine rack and picks up this month's edition of People]

BILLY RAY: Grandma!! [shows her the magazine with interest and enthusiasm, asking her without words if he can have it]

JANET: Don't touch that trash!!! [Janet emphasizes "touch" as if the magazine has some contagious disease that could kill Billy Ray]

BILLY RAY: [mumbles defensively, his excitement waning]

JANET: I don't care what you say. That may look like a man now, but he was born a woman!! [emphasizes "woman" as if to say that by holding the magazine, Billy Ray could turn into a woman and be forevermore known as Billy Jean]

CASHIER 2: [whispers to Carrie] Who is on the magazine?

CARRIE: [looks incredulously at the cover of a similar magazine at her register] . . . it's Keith Urban!!


[end scene]